Talking to your child about their adoption is one of the most difficult tasks an adoptive parent, will encounter. This is irrespective of how comfortable they are with their family or the process of adoption itself. No matter how prepared one thinks they might be or how convinced they are that honesty best, parents more often than not are surprised at the pain this topic evokes. It bring back all the reminders that they did not build their family in a traditional way.
The adoption community for the most part supports the idea that children have a right to know about their beginnings and their parents are the best ones to talk to them about their adoption. In addition, professionals in the world of adoption agree that secrets in families can have devastating impact on familial relationships and potentially breaks the bonds on trust that are so critical to the parent-child bond.
So what do we tell these precious beings? How do we protect them and contribute to a positive and healthy sense of self? Telling the truth is the best tactic. However, these truths have to be communicated to our children in a developmentally appropriate way without over-loading them with too much information or white washing the information that is shared.
Telling is not an all or nothing event that happens one time or not at all. It is a dynamic process that evolves and changes over time. It is a fact of a family's life that is woven into its very essence. There are four phases that can be considered to the telling process.
