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Pre-Parenting Preparation
Before parents start talking to their children they are obligated to do their own psychological work. Hopefully before the baby is born. Being at peace with one's inability to have children like most people is a prerequisite to embarking on an adoption.
Bringing a child into your home through adoption too early can set parents up for a lifetime of anguish concerning their families "legitimacy". Families who have not come to terms with their infertility and thereby feel inadequate, inferior, and defective, may in turn be rejecting, however inadvertently, to their child and less attached.
Children in general are very sensitive to the nuances of their parent's feelings. They have an uncanny ability to sense and to know. Parents must be very careful about projecting their own insecurities and uneasiness about the nature of their relationship with this yearned for child.
If parents have achieved a reasonable level of comfort with adoption then it is very likely the children will model that feeling and find comfort that adoption is really fine.. They will be able to confront their adoption with a sense of normalcy and 'okayness'. By having these resources in place, they will be equipped to handle anything about their beginnings that surfaces over their lifetime.
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